I had thought the United States corned the market on self-hating morons who have dedicated the rest of their Marxist lives to destroying capitalism and the west. I was under this misapprehension until I saw a headline from a British publication that said something like: Green Aliens may destroy the earth in a preemptive strike because of Global Warming.
Dear Gawd how does anyone this stupid manage to chew a piece of toast without suffocating themselves? Worse yet, it was some imbecile who claimed to keep the toilet paper stocked at NASA who gave this hair brained, mental flatulence to some British Twits to be printed in their rag.
Let us begin on our search for aliens with a simple concept. What do we mean by alien? Well we could just mean someone from not around here such as an illegal alien. But when we are talking space aliens we are talking about someone who is not even from our solar system and probably not even from our own galaxy.
Almost everything about how the aliens came to be would be different from how we came to be. So different in fact that if they had cells, their cells would not have DNA and RNA the way all life on earth does. In fact, it is so unlikely that true space aliens would share our DNA structure that if some creatures claiming to be from another planet showed up and convinced us that they were not of our earth, it would still be highly, highly, highly likely that we and they–no matter how weird looking or strange behaving they might seem–had common ancestors. That there was a single parent race for the both us. They would be more like distant cousins than true space aliens.
So what would a real space alien with which we had nothing in common be like? Since we have nothing in common there is no way to know what they would be like. Unless they were morons from outer space it is highly unlikely that they would seek out and destroy random planets because of random gases in the atmospheres of those planets. Only a moron would think that was a good idea. It is far more likely that a truly alien species, if it cared about what was on planets at all, would seek planets with materials or even creatures they desired. It is unlikely that they would bother with planets that did not have such creatures or materials. Of course they would have to practically be on top of us to see what we have on our planet. So, given the size of the universe, it is a very unintelligent bit of speculation to say they would kill us because of global hoaxing or climate fraud–which are just communist plots to destroy capitalism in any case.
Suppose that by mistake, some alien race stumbled across our miniscule corner of the universe and that they had the means to see our planet from afar. What would they see? They would see rock and water. Now we have tons and tons of liquid water in a convenient carrying case, namely a planet. That might be considered a prize by some alien species.
Let suppose that for some idiotic reason we wanted to speculate about some alien race that could actually see and care about the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere. Once again we ask: what is an alien? Well if it’s a true alien it evolved in an atmosphere different from ours. It is very likely that if some alien species could see and care about the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere they could think three things.
1) Breathable air! They grew up on carbon dioxide. Oxygen is a poison to them. They hate it. As soon as they get there they are going to get rid of all that nasty oxygen. Doh!
2) Food! They grew up in a carbon based environment. They consider carbon based things to be food. Oh dear. we are carbon based things. Doh!
3) Slaves! The aliens like carbon dioxide. Their fondest dream is to find a race dumb enough to produce tons of carbon dioxide for free! They don’t really like having to pay for anything. Trade isn’t their thing. Doh!
Aliens would only know we are here at all because we told them. By the way, we have told them. If the aliens like re-runs of “I love Lucy” about as much as I do, they might kill us all in our sleep over that one. Given that our broadcasts have leaked into space the space aliens who have watched our TV may have decided that there were too many commercials. So they pave the entire planet and put in a parking lot to punish us for creating noise. And thus ends humanity, sanctioned by the intergalactic spam police.
No comments:
Post a Comment