It’s worse than you know.
It’s later than you think.
It will happen before you are ready.
Not only is the horse gone, moreover the barn burned down. Congratulations on saving the door.
You are a week late and that will be an additional $3,000.69 please.
You are early. A year early. What do you propose to do about food and accommodations until then? Oh, and by the way at this altitude extra oxygen is mandatory. No, you may not borrow any. My suggestion? Start back down the mountain now and you’ll be dead of hypoxia by morning. No worries though there is a convenient crevasse that we will kick your corpse into and your parents and fiancé can bury you next spring when you thaw out.
Yes, that frog did just sit in that hot water until it boiled to death. Did you notice that you are wet?
No, that is not a puddle of distilled water that you’re soaking in. That’s molecular acid. Why didn’t I tell you earlier, like when you first put your hand on the counter? Number 1: I don’t like you. Number 2: It’s funny. Number 3: I am performing an experiment.
No. The check is not in the mail. I’ve decided not to pay you. Yes, you could sue. Have your lawyer contact me in Guatemala. He’ll have to find me first…
But your dog likes the taste of dynamite. Besides, no other dog in the neighborhood is dumb enough to bite something that looks like it might be on fire.
Hey for all I know your kid likes Wild Turkey
Oh by the way a government agent investigating you for a security clearance for that new job you are applying for came by. I told him that your favorite historical figures were Osama Bin Laden and the Anti Christ, your favorite literature was last month’s issue of Leather Nun, and your lucky number was 666. I also told him that you almost never steal and only lie when the cover up fails and that your favorite book is the “Hammer of Witches.” I was going to tell him I was only kidding but he was suddenly in a big hurry to leave.
There are no Arch Angels named Rufus, Chewy and Bocephus so quit saying there are.
The government did not teach you to light your shoe polish with a match, have illicit sex in a dumpster, or use terms like “mandatory fun” and “military bearing” so stop saying it did.
It’s not an experiment if you already know what will happen so, no; we will not drop penguins, turkeys, lawyers or even the odd congressman out of a helicopter for “science.” Besides, it’s always unnerving when Satan appears saves the lawyers and welcomes the congressman home.
Because I like you AI will let you in on a little secret. Girls love it when you present them with a bouquet composed of deodorant, mouthwash, and soap rather than a corsage.
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