President Karl Marx...A Love Story

The Detroit crowd was large, shabby and angry. The shoved their way into the already crowed auditorium and glared at anything at the moved.

At length a well dressed man appeared an stage and took to the microphone.

"We have run out of your money," Then man announced.

The crowd had been promised that they would get money from President Karl Marx. They believed they would get money from President Karl Marx. It was owed to them. Some of the crowd got on its feet and prepared to rush the stage.

A thin, nattily dressed elderly gentleman rushed on stage and ripped the microphone right out of the young man's hands.

"Wait! Wait!" The old man shouted.

"The reason why the government has no money to give to you is they already gave it to the Wall Street bankers."

The crowd was puzzled. Still angry but puzzled.

The old man continued. "You know that the government creates wealth."

The crowd, feeling a stimulus/response portion of a political sermon was about to commence roared "Yeah!"

"And when the Wall Street bankers bankrupted the world the government was willing to print a trillion for them!"

"Yeah!"

"And when the unions and the community organizers asked for stimulus money the government printed a trillion more dollars for them. Am I right?"

"That's right!"

"But when you who have had nothing and have nothing ask for the government to print a trillion dollars for you, suddenly that's to inflationary. Tell me I'm lying"

"You not lying!"

"Get on a bus. Borrow your brother in law's car. Do what you got to do but leave now so you can get to Washington DC by Halloween. When the international press comes to Washington to cover the response to Devil's Night, you tell the press that you know that money President Karl Marx is using to pay our debt to China is newly printed funny money. And that you want China to get behind you because you want to get your funny money first!"

"Me first! Me First!! Me First!!!"

***

President Karl Marx was thankful that he could trust his live in lover, Mao Mao to watch his twin boys while the Commander in Chief took care of the affairs of state. Although Mao Mao was not biologically related to the boys, the man took care of them like he was a second father.

President Marx returned to matters at hand. He looked around his war room and was again comforted about the strong progressives he was able to surround himself with. Each of them was dedicated to turning the United States into a Socialist Republic, as was he, and each of them was smart enough never to say so in public.

"So Lenin," Marx as his Secretary of the Treasury, "is it true what that mass gathering of trick or treaters is saying. Are we paying off the Chinese with freshly printed money?"

Vlad Lenin the Secretary of the treasury looked like a librarian on steroids. He sported the thick horn rimmed glasses of a librarian. He wore tweed suits with patches on the elbows. But whether it was bad tailoring or that maybe he really was on steroids, the man also looked like he was about to Hulk out of his suit.

Lenin was sweating and nervous. Never a good sign. It was better than even money that the next words out of his mouth were going to be a lie.

"Mr. President, all of the money we use to pay off our foreign debt is electronic. None of it is actually printed per se."

"So," said the president, " it's worse than printing. All of our money is a computer fiction."

"Well. Not all of it..."

"Mr. President, "the Secretary of State interjected," No country in the world is accepting dollars."

The Secretary of Commerce piped up," Store shelves are beginning to go bare. Our goods our stacking up at transshipment points because suddenly everyone thinks our goods are crap."

Suddenly the president of the United States had a huge headache. He wanted usher in European Socialism. Instead he was presiding over the economic collapse of the United States.

"Mr. President?" It was the new Secretary of Energy. The old one had quit after the President suspended all environmental laws, ordinances and treaties.

The President was not familiar with the new guy and he was irked by the fact that it might come out that he didn't know the man's name.

Jackson Patriot was one of the few black men in a mostly white government. The liberal media, which is to say all of the media except Fox News, talk radio and the internet, had forced the progressive president to go outside of this own leftist good old boy network to pick a black man to replace the energy Secretary. The President was idly wondering if he was about to regret it.

Jackson Patriot ran hand over his bald head and pressed past the really annoyed look on the face of the commander in chief. "I know how we can fix everything. Our debt, deficit, balance of payments, unemployment, everything."

The cabinet, to a man, snickered.

"Don't keep us in suspense," said the corpulent Health and Human Services Secretary. "Do tell us how the new kid on the block is going to save the world."

Jackson Patriot had just sweated his white shirt clean through. He knew he was going to stutter but he pushed ahead anyway. "C-Coal, oil and gas Mr. President. Lift every presidential order, finding and restriction on mining, drilling, shipping, and refining energy. They may not like our dollar but they have always liked our energy."

The head of the EPA fainted dead away. While she was being attended to by the Secretary of Defense, Jackson Patriot continued. "A full court press on fossil fuels now will employ thousands right away. If we push to turn the third world on to using cheap coal rather than some eco-vaporware that doesn't exist, we could turn this around in a fortnight."

***

The president wound up firing half his cabinet and turning the United States into a net fossil fuels supplier. The change did not do all that the Secretary of Energy said. But it did enough. It kept the creditors at bay long enough to let the cyclical economy swing back to prosperity.

***

Creating Wealth

How to Plunder a Nation

Constellation of Idiots

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