Alice Cowboys. Wade Phillips fired.
Since there is no longer any “D” in the Dallas Cowboys, we will hence forth call them the Alice Cowboys. And since Wade’s dubious claim to fame was his defensive expertise his utility in any capacity has long since ended. If Jerry doesn’t have the brains or the intestinal fortitude to fire you, Wade, then it’s time for you to man-up and fire yourself. Get a mirror and give yourself a good talking to. And for gosh sakes do damn site better job than you have done in firing up your football players.
Take yourself aside and say this: Greater men then you for lesser failures than this have walked the plank, manned up, and eaten the fruit cake. It’s time Wade. It’s time for you to eat the accursed fruit cake. You, Wade, are the weakest link. You are fired!!!
Before you leave, fire Jason too. How he ever convinced anyone that he was “too smart for his own good” is beyond comprehension. This is football we are talking about. If you are so damned smart then why didn’t you teach your players that they don’t even have to do great or wonderful or new things out on the football field? All they have to do is avoid doing bad things. If you just make fewer mistakes than your opponent, it is astonishing how far you can go in this game. Even a child knows that. How can this supposed genius not know it? A good football team makes fewer mistakes than its opponents. A lot of other things that people think makes a good football team are actually consequences of making fewer mistakes. If you make fewer mistakes the ball will seem to bounce your way. Your running game and your passing game will both appear to work as if my magic because linemen will perform their blocking assignments, running backs will hit the right hole at the right time and receivers will not drop passes.
Tell you what Wade; you could become the play by play announcer or even the color commentary guy for shuffle board tournaments in Miami. Sure you would bore the crap out of anyone cursed to listen to you because Wade, you are one tedious guy. But no one could care. Kind of like that time you coached a football team into oblivion.
Maybe they would let you be a substitute greeter at Walmart. Yes it would be tough duty for a man with no personality but you’ve got to be good at something.
Welcome to Retirement Wade. You’ve earned it.
Best Glue Sniffer on the Short Bus Award
Audio Auto-eroticism and Verbal Flatulence
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